The Most Silent Vomit Of My Life
Faux Mixology Skills Gone Wrong
After a year of being single AF (no bf, no situationship, no nuffin) and the pandemic full blown with no end in sight, I decided to give online dating another chance. A couple years ago I had a little luck on Tinder and ended up in a relationship. A short-lived relationship, but I digress….
Hinge seems to be the one to try nowadays, so I decide to give it a go. After a day or so of being active on the app - scanning and making my quick judgements on who seems cute, tall enough, probably employed with some mention of travel in their profile (that’s a dealbreaker for me) - I start talking to this guy. Let’s call him “Man in Action”. This has to do with his job and the fact that he was quick to start making plans.
If you’re not familiar with dating apps, you can end up in a series of endless chats with men you’ll never meet if someone doesn’t actually decide to take action and coordinate that very first date. It’s even harder now to judge when to meet IRL since da rona is still lurkin 👀.
But Man in Action was ON IT! After chatting a bit in the app, he quickly asked to schedule a video chat with me. I was a bit shocked. But later learned this is actually the move! Why waste time texting and texting and looking forward to that first IRL meetup when you can basically “screen” them through a video chat first?!
After a video chat, I thought aight, there might be something here. On said video chat he asked if I wanted to meet up in a park for a picnic where he’d cook us a nice vegan lunch.
I was a little apprehensive about meeting up with this strange man I’d only seen once, but was like why not? YOLO! (Hahaha scratch that...I know we don’t say YOLO in 2020)
So we meet up the following weekend and he brought the food and I brought a bottle of wine as suggested. Everything was going surprisingly well and the food was BOMB!! As in there was food leftover and I secretly wanted some more. But ya girl can’t look greedy on the first date. Right?! Lol.
He showed out! And I felt the need to show what I could do! Now, I’m known for whipping up a good cocktail or two and he and I had briefly discussed my faux-mixology skills.
So Man in Action says “hey, how about we go to the store and get whatever you need to make cocktails. Then go to my place for karaoke and cocktails?”
At this point you might be thinking “did she really go over this strange man’s place DURING A PANDEMIC after JUST meeting him?!”
I did!
I’m all about going with the flow and I felt comfortable with him. All was well…
So we stop at a Ralph’s on the way and I start gathering everything I need to make 2 different drinks that include champagne, rum, mixers, and garnish. I’m all about the garnish for the presentation!
We get to his place. I’m playing bartender. And honestly, we’re just having a GOOD ASS TIME! Karaoke. Laughs. I’m dancing. Just letting loose and acting a fool. But still being cute and whatnot. Lol. He even tried to give me a little kiss at one point, to which I slyly turned my face and gave him the cheek.
The rest is a bit of a blur…
I kept refilling our glasses in between songs. Mind you, I hadn’t eaten since lunch. And at this point who knows what time it is!!
Then I felt it coming.
I calmly make my way to the bathroom. Ya know, gotta have little class.
And then I try my HARDEST to do the MOST SILENT VOMIT OF MY LIFE.
No gagging. No heaving. Just a quick *uuhhphrr* 🤮
I flushed and immediately felt better. Or so I thought. I rinse, wash my hands, and walk back to the living room like nothing happened. I really thought I pulled it off!
After I sit down on the couch, Man in Action looks at me and says “Did you just throw up?”
I swear if I was white my entire face would’ve turned red at this point. I thought I was quiet?! Was he standing outside the damn bathroom door?! So I nonchalantly replied “yes, how did you know?” To which he said “I could hear it hitting the water in the toilet!”
The damn toilet water gave me away!!! It be your own vomit😩.
Talk about f****ing embarrassing!!! I threw up in this man’s bathroom on the very first date!! I was not only embarrassed, but disappointed in myself for drinking that much with a man I don’t know and NOT drinking any water. I know better. Smh.
Chile, I can barely tell you what happened after that. Luckily Man in Action is a true gentleman because I woke up at 4am on the couch with a blanket and pillow. He even left water for me. The next morning he came out of his bedroom and asked if I wanted coffee. Absolutely NOT! Give me alllll the water!! I slept a bit more, then finally drove home with a pounding headache.
You’d think it would be a done deal after that, right? Who wants anything more with a girl who can’t hold her liquor and throws up in your place on the very first date??
But later that morning I got a few texts from him explaining how much fun he had with me and how he loves my energy. He even texted “I like you.” Definitely wasn’t expecting that after the night we had.
Good date gone wrong? Yeah. But even a little vomit can’t stop this cool girl from shining! 😉
- Sincerely, A Cool Girl